15 posts tagged “law practice”

I'm in the midst of the crazy work schedule I mentioned a few weeks ago.  Only 5 more weeks of craziness to go.

Although I can't give you any details, since I last posted I: 

came out of the blocks like a bitch from hell and really shocked some folks

worked 18 hour days 8 days in a row

lost my cool with a jealous friend

met a woman who lost 365 lbs

got lost in bfe and turned a two hour trip into a four hour trip

got to see inside my first smart car convertable

received another apology from the man that insulted me a month ago

played rock star for the first time .... or maybe it was rock band....

drank too much hoegarden

built up my biceps toting around boxes and boxes of documents

showed some leg

crashed from exhaustion and,

made myself a delicious martini

I'm Free! 

I went to court this morning for my divorce.  Granted.

The Ex appeared on his own behalf.  He showed up late and sporting dirty tennis shoes, jeans, a t-shirt and a wrinkled unbuttoned oxford.  Hello?  EVERYONE knows how I feel about dressing for court.  Especially him.

But this kind of passive aggressive behavior is one reason we cannot stay married.

He looked like a frightened rabbit as he sat in the gallery when our case was called.  I stood up and presented the facts to the Judge.  The Judge asked if the defendant was present.  I said, Yes, your honor" and motioned to the Ex. 

The Judge then asked if the Ex had any objection.  The Ex didn't answer, rather he looked at me and shook his head to indicate that he had no objection.  I was quite bitchy.  Without thinking about how it would sound I said, "Don't tell me!  Tell the Judge verbally that you have no objection!" 

The Judge stiffled a smile as the Ex cleared his throat and answered in a barely audible, "No."

Barely audible or not, it was enough to get the job done.  Judgment for the Plaintiff AND the Defendant! 

Yeah!

It's nice to be Free!

As you could tell by my posts earlier this week, it was a bumpy semaine.  Here's what happened:

Finally spoke with the Landlord and told him how insulted and upset I was by his thinking I was a whore for hire.  I also told him I had found another place to live (I didn't tell him it was just across the green from where I am now).  He was initially defensive, but then backed up and apologized for "stepping on his dick."  He told me that he didn't want me to move, but understood if I felt I needed to and that he would lower the rent anyway, if I wanted.  OF COURSE I WANTED!  But I didn't tell him so, I told him I needed the weekend to think about it and I would get back to him on Monday.  - OH, and he also promised never to call or come by EVER.  With that situation as good as resolved, I was able to move forward and recommence unpacking my office boxes.  I had left them packed because I thought I was just going to be moving again.  My place is coming back to order and seems bright and clean again.  I can breathe.

Also - and this is the thrilling one....my 18 month quest to whip the Wizard is over!  The singularly most gutter-bound, muck-raking, mud-rolling, eye-scratching litigation I have ever been involved in is over!  Weeeeeeee!  AND, it was settled for the same amount we offered months before the case was filed.  THAT means, Wizard secured zero for his client during the entire 18 month process. 

Ah NOW I feel good, however, there have been so many times over the last 18 months that I let this guy get under my skin.  Although he never knew it, he made me doubt myself, doubt my composition and skill, doubt the appropriateness of the career I had chosen.  It was exactly what he was trying to accomplish.  Fuck you wizard (picture weemee flashing not one, but two, birds.) 

WeeKSpot

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Ah well, my last act is to smile sweetly as I hand over the final documents and say, "I thoroughly enjoyed working with you, Wiz. Can't wait until we can do it again!"  I'll resist the urge to hold my finger phone up to my ear and mouth the words, "Call me" upon my exit.

 The Wizard did help me in my private life though.  Because of the Wizard and his nasty tactics, I learned I have a cheerleader and a coach in Sug.  Everytime my confidence would waiver before one of the many many motions hearings, or I freaked out over the repeated threats to my license made by Wizard, Sug was there - explaining that the Wizard was just trying to tie up the score, boosting my confidence, giving me the pre-game pep talk and sending me out to play hard ball.  I owe so much of my being able to make it through this experience to his unwaivering strength and belief in me.  It has left me wondering how I made it this far without my Sug.  It makes me wonder how far I can go with him beside me.

Finally, I got an intriguing business offer on Wednesday. I was asked to be part owner of a bar. (I know, I know, Jenny - don't tell me - I don't have to put in any $ or sign for any loans.)  Ordinarily, I would run, however, the group that made the proposal has other successful bars in the area.  There is a twist involved that would make this unique and requires some special planning.  I have some work to do to get these guys organized and ready to act on the opportunity, but they have the knowledge of the business to make it work.  Hopefully, that will pan out.  I have every reason to believe it will.

Alright - so there you go - signing off, sane and happy.

:D 

Thanks to LOM for the photoshopped weemee.  You're the best! 

Ever heard that saying, "Busier than a one-armed paper hanger?"  Well, I think I finally understand...

I'll be here all night working on my Motions to Quash - which particular Motion I have never written before - and it has to be in the mail to the court tomorrow morning.  So, here's one of my favorite little jokes for your Tuesday night reading pleasure - in the event you aren't having cybersex right now:

 http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=3293817

Nifong

Cap'n reminded me that the nation is paying attention to the saga of Durham, North Carolina's District Attorney, Mike Nifong.  Mike was once a rising star in North Carolina politics.  Many suspected he was being groomed for a State job and perhaps, a run for Governor one day - or so I have heard. 

It is sad, on many levels, to watch someone fall so hard.  I understand the ethics and rule violations with which he is charged.  I also agree with his disbarrment.  However, I take no pleasure in what has happened.  Especially considering how many renegade prosecutors roam the justice halls in this country.

Nifong is not alone.  Why are prosecutors so tempted to cross the line these days?  Is it public pressure to "win" every case?  Is it the political pressure trickling down from the increasingly unforgiving and "tough on crime" legislatures?  Or is it merely because they can - and do - get away with it on a regular basis?

Has the legislative scheme that has focused on putting more people behind bars for more crimes, enacted extreme and inflexible mandatory sentencing, and routinely broadened the rules of evidence allowed to be used by prosecutors while at the same time removing standard tools from the warchests of defense attorneys led to the increasingly more common abuse of power by attorneys for the state?

Power corrupts.  Total power corrupts totally.  We are finally seeing some of the fallout of the continued errosion of our civil liberties that started during the Regan era.  What chance do any of us have against a police man who lies and prosecutors who lie to get a win?  Where has justice gone? 

BUT, while Nifong's acts were egregious, are we all somewhat to blame?  We keep electing politicians that keep running on platforms of being "tough on crime."  We keep electing politicians that laude the removal of discretion from judges.  We keep re-electing politicians that run based on their record of "toughening up" existing criminal statutes. 

 Is Nifong not merely our political Frankenstein?

I've had my morning meltdown.  I'm all good now.  Little known fact about me:  I freakout when I get attacked personally....well - not if someone called me a name like "Thunderthighs" or "Bubblebutt" or a "dumb blonde" or something like that.  I could roast a namecaller pretty quick without flinching.  No, I don't sweat the small stuff, but I do momentarily feel paralyzed when I get hit below the belt.  And I got another low blow this morning.  It knocked me off kilter for a good twenty minutes.

The Wizard has schooled me on the ways to be a low down, dirty, gutter-dwelling, nasty, evil, twisted snake.  For some reason, my case with him has deteriorated into a battle between the lawyers, rather than being focused on presenting the issues of the client.  And believe me, I have struggled to stay on the high road.

Two months ago, he was attacking my license and making bogus charges about conflicts of interest, excessive legal fees, etc.  Today, I got a lovely little present: a Subpoena for my testimony - in the case in which I am a lawyer.  Of course, I can get it quashed, but will he ever stop? 

I am looking for something clever and creative to say to the guy, once our case is over.  I want to leave him perplexed and less secure.  You know what I mean.  It needs to be something memorable, because one day I want him to reflect on everything and realize what an unprofessional a-hole he was.

 Any suggestions?

I haven't been writing lately.  It is not that I don't have anything to say.  Rather, much of what I do have to say is acerbic and ungrateful.  So - as they say - if you can't say anything nice......

I am struggling.  I am spending a whole lot of energy trying not to hate my job - and then trying not to hate myself for those many moments lately during which I hate my job.  I have been giving it 100 percent lately, but I still don't love it.

I used to live to work.  Now, I work to live. 

It is not my clients.  It is not my opposing counsel.  It is not court dates or deadlines.  In truth, I don't know why I am dissastisfied.  I have no reason to be. 

Yet the fact is, I am dissasitisfied. 

Maybe I am just bored.

So, I have made a decision to shake things up.  I am closing my office.  I am moving my practice into cyberspace, so to speak.  I am going to do my work from home.  I am going to scale down the size of my practice.  I am going to take fewer cases and fewer clients.  Maybe I will, one day, leave the law altogether.  Maybe you will find me at a corner convenience store near you ringing up your cigarettes and Bud Light beer.

FINALLY, YESTERDAY, had the big hearing I have been working so hard on the last three weeks.  The hearing was on the Wizard's motion.  Tens of thousands of documents were involved because grumpy old lawyer wanted to be an unreasonable dick.   He thought he could drown me in work and then make me look like an idiot.  Well suffice it to say, things did not go exactly as he planned.

I entered the courtroom about 30 minutes before my designated hearing time.  I watched in silent horror as the judge peppered a presenting lawyer (representing an insurance company) with astute but pointed and unforgiving questions.  I was more horrified when one of the major bones at which the judge was picking was the amount of paper these lawyers were working with.  Each had given him a notebook about seven inches thick to review.  The judge ridiculed both sides and directed the lawyers to reduce the materials they were giving him to a collective pile one inch thick.  As I was viewing this scene of judicial butchery, I realized that all of my arguments about jumping through hoops and producing almost 30,000 pieces of paper in response to my opponents requests, was not going to save me.  I also realized that the hand truck stacked with boxes containing reams of additional paper might be quite a liability.

Grumpy old lawyer (the Wizard) entered about this time and sat in front of the judge chuckling quietly.  After the presenting lawyers left the room, the Judge and the Wizard began discussing their collective amazement at the idiocy of the four lawyers in handing him so many documents to review.  The Judge and the Wizard then engaged in a ten minute discussion of "the good old days" and past lawyers they had known.  I sat silently, dying all the while.

After their joint trip down memory lane, the Judge called our case.  The Wizard, capitalizing on the prior discussion about the paper chase, went on at length about how many documents I had unloaded on him.  The Judge agreed and said, "Yes, all you need is X, Y, and Z.  Very simple."  The Wizard then lied and said, "Yes your honor, that is all I have asked for..."  Blah blah blah.  The Judge then proceeded to begin to issue his ruling.  He didn't even give me a chance to speak!  Un-characteristically, I interrupted the Judge and advised him that I had a couple of things I needed to say.  He told me there was nothing for me to say.  I quickly grabbed some of the Wizard's own letters and documents and rushed them up to the Judge, not asking for permission to approach.  I told his honor that I only wanted him to look at The Wizard's requests.  I pointed out that the Wizard had not asked for X,Y, and Z, but rather had asked for everything but X,Y, and Z.  I then asked the judge to look at other Wizard requests, that were clearly ridiculous.  I had quickly highlighted key words and repeated them in rapid succession, making them seem duplicative and unintelligent.   It took me about 60 seconds to get all of that out.

The Judge stopped me and reversed his ruling.  He slashed the Wizard's requests to the bone and gave me a month to put together and present what will only take me an hour or two to do.  The Wizard tried to recover, interrupting the Judge and complaining that he had not received copies of my client's 2006 tax returns.  I was able to get out, "Its only February, they're not done yet."  Then the Wizard began asking me pointed questions directly (a no-no) about a company I don't represent.  I told the Judge, I didn't know the answers to the Wizard's questions, I didn't have that information, I didn't represent that company.  The Judge then turned to the Wizard and advised him that those questions are appropriate for a deposition and ordered him to take the deposition of the appropriate party within three weeks or find himself in contempt.

The Wizard turned crimson and whimpered a "Yes, your honor."  I thanked the Judge.  The Wizard then quickly gathered his things and began to rush out.  The Judge called him back and made him return.  The Judge then apologized to the Wizard telling him, "I'm sorry I had to do that, but it is the best for all parties.  It is."  The Wizard muttered a "Yes, your honor," turned on his heel and stormed out.

The thing that is so embarrassing for the Wizard is that the hearing was about a Motion he had filed looking for sanctions against my client.  Instead, he wound up not only losing his motion, but also being ordered to do things himself or face contempt of court.  This is highly unusual and akin to a football team running up the score with a series of Safeties. 

...And the score was 40-zip.  Let's just say, I left feeling pretty gooooooooood.

Well, peeps, I have been working like a slave so that I may take my first vacation in four (4!!!!) years.  I am scheduled to leave Thursday morning.  Unfortunately, it now appears that I may not get to go.  I require the wizard's consent to a continuance of a court hearing (his motion) in order to be able to leave.  Because he has not returned my phone calls over the last few days, I will not know if I have his consent until tomorrow.    He may just choose not to respond, again, thereby forcing me to cancel on my own.*

Meanwhile, I am sick to my stomach and my brain feels as if it is about to crack. 

*Yes, I could have put a Motion for Continuance before the judge, but, in this jurisdiction, without the Wizard's consent, it would not have been granted.

Lovely morning.  The Dog tried to punish me for getting home an hour late from work two days ago.  In her anxiety, mischievousness, and/or devil-doggedness, she ate some decorative Christmas Balls from the bottom of the tree.  I thought they were gone forever, but this morning, she gave them all back.  It's a Christmas miracle.

But nothing can spoil today.  Today I get paid by a client, in full, on the largest single hourly-billing I have ever generated.  Today, I have a very merry green Christmas.  Today, all the fruits of my labor for the last six weeks have ripened, rotted and been distilled.  What is left is mighty sweet and intoxicating. 

Hooooray!!!!