Crunchtime

I had planned on spending the holidays alone.  I had planned on sleeping and hibernating my Christmas away.  Instead, I am now preparing Christmas brunch.  I am doing a classic Creole-Low Country mix that includes, nach, shrimp-n-grits, andouille sausage biscuits, fruit, mimosas, sugar caned ham, and I-don't-yet-know what else.  The cooking isn't that much work, but it all means I have to clean.  Crap.  I have all hardwood floors that have to be swept and mopped.  I hate hate hate mopping!  I also have to put together a center piece and pick up some candles.  It is too hot for a fire, so candles will have to do.  Finally, I have to get some more Christmas gifts, so I have something for everyone.  So much for R & R.  I really want a servant.  Next life, I am going to be LOADED.

Have been to a few more Christmas parties over the last few days.  All of them were house parties except for dinner at a restaurant last night.  One little party I went to served ginger marinated salmon smoked on a cedar plank with rosemary.  I thought I had died and gone to heaven.  Last night at the restaurant, I had a beef tenderloin stuffed with crab and gargonzola and a rasberry walnut green salad.  I have eaten and eaten and eaten the last two weeks.  You have to understand that this is pretty monumental as until a few months ago, I was a complete vegan except for some milk in my coffee.  Now I am a heathen with clogged arteries.  I also haven't been to the gym in well over a month.

I would be doomed if January weren't around the corner.  Fresh start.

Last night's little gathering was particularly nice.  I got together with my Frenemies that I had cut off early last summer.  They were surprisingly happy and relaxed.  Everyone is in a relationship now and no longer seemed threatened by each other.  They have all just learned the "news" of my split from my husband.  Each of them was surprisingly happy for me and complimentary.  I was shocked to learn that I wasn't masking my unhappiness very well.  All those years, I thought I was fooling everyone; I only fooled myself.  So much time wasted.  Lesson learned.

Sug called last night.  Woke me up at 3:00 am.  We talked for a while.  Maybe an hour?  He is so sweet and open.  Largely untouched by heartbreak and disappointment, he maintains for me the best of my own youth - the time before worry and anxiety; the time before pressure and deadlines.  When we talk or get together everything stands still.  The world is quiet and my mind calms.  I hope I never cause him to become jaded.  I hope I am never the page in his book he wants to turn.  I hope I can always be, at the least, a blissful memory that he reflects upon fondly.  I know I will always remember these times of sweet pleasure.

Have a Merry Christmas everybody.